The holiday Rut takes over

The opinions expressed in the following blog may not be my own. They may be the feelings and opinions of the holiday rut.

Relaxing holiday = Stress, boredom, apathy and depression
I have been on holidays for about 2-3 weeks since Uni ended for the year and already I am the feelings usually reserved for 2 months into this 3 month break. This depression usually sinks in as I find myself in a rut of having nothing to do and no direction for my days with television and music no longer satisfying my urges to waste time.
The ironic part of the holiday rut coming early is that I have been pretty busy the whole time.

Last week saw me work all weekend washing trucks and then follow it up with working at a courier for a night driving paper cups around South Western Sydney. I was quite impressed with my car, which has been giving me trouble lately, in terms of it's reliability and economy for this long period of driving.

I was fortunate enough to be able to have some alone time with Kate for a few days. I got to sleep while she was at work and then got to pester her while she tried to sleep. All in all it was a pleasant time, however, It may have been the start of the rut. The waiting around and oversleeping while Kate was at school and work tricked my body into thinking it was bored and that there was nothing to do despite the fact that I have some projects that I am currently working on that have set deadlines.

One of the aforementioned projects involves Dinkibike. After a meeting with our management at which I think some wires got crossed, we have been given the task of producing one song a week up until the end of January with our producer coming to check on progress every fortnight. In one respect, this is a good thing as we have discovered that the band does not work diligently without a deadline. On the other hand, in practice, this deadline has so far not produced any real fruits and is not the way we usually go about writing.
I have been very proud of our Drummer, Michael, for producing 2 sets of very good lyrics that have formed the basis of the first two songs that we will present to our producer. I am concerned that the method of songwriting that we are currently working with will ultimately result in these two songs of Mike's falling by the wayside as they are not being given time to grow organically and are being forced and causing the band to have resentment and apathy towards the songs. There is certainly potential in these songs but I am unsure if the potential will be reached under this high pressure situation that is putting strains on relationships in the band and our relationship with the band. Last night, we found ourselves struggling to find motivation and I was very close to walking out of the rehearsal room forever. There are a variety of reasons for this besides the deadlines that have been building up for a little while now and we have discovered that talking them out just results in bullshit from all participants. It is getting harder and harder to recover from these feelings than it used to be. The lack of success the band has had in the past year and our personal responsibilities and obligations are making the band an obligation that is not very fun right now. Last night I wrote the embryo of two songs, from the dynamics in the band and the softer nature of the songs themselves, there is little chance that I will present this to the band to be ignored and have my self esteem beaten down even more. I have produced a couple of bits and pieces that I will offer to the band but I don't expect that they will be acknowledged so I will be putting my creative energy into whatever little ideas pop in to my head whether they are appropriate for the band or not. If I don't feel like giving them to the band or the band overlook these tunes I am going to share them with all of my friends by way of YouTube. Hopefully this will see my love for music return.
Once again, The holiday rut is playing into my thoughts regarding the band and I do need to be aware of the rut's influence over my thought processes before making any decisions. These guys are my best friends and we have had some great times and produced some music that has made us happy and if we can resume being happy and having fun then Dinkibike will never end and will only be stronger for this experience. I just fear that there is only so many times that we can bounce back.
One band project that excites me is our YouTube channel which we are hoping to launch at full steam once my holiday rut passes and I can't start working constructively with the guys to produce and edit some entertaining stuff and hopefully encourage the wider world to care in the slightest about what we are doing because it is hard to care about yourself when no one cares about you.
My car runs out of rego on Saturday so I expect to have no money yet again have another rut filled week next week.
I am hoping to be able to send my documents for my DET meeting tomorrow. If I can't manage this, I will know that the rut has well and truly set in and that I need a job or something else to fill my time.

Signed
The Holiday rut that bites the tongue